Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
