she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
