please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
