the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
