Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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