Just cropdusted the office
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
