You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
