i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Randomize
