i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
