I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Randomize
