Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
