How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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