He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Naked. naked and bneed help.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
