I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
