And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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