The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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