so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Pants 0. Shit 1.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
