I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
