Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Randomize
