All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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