is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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