Well douche your snatch and let's go!
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
