apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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