Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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