I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
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