at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
Randomize
