Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
