listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
