he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
