i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
