sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
