We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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