We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
