Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
