Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
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