Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
