Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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