we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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