people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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