I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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