I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Oh god it's open bar.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
