yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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