how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
soo... how was my night?
Randomize
