I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
