yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
