I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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