Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
splinters make it hard to masturbate
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
