hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Randomize
