There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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