just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
