please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
