Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
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