I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
