you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
