My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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