I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
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