It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
