If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
