Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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