you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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