I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Sex in the backyard? Check.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
