Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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