you lied. pity sex is amazing.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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