How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
my god I love twenty year old dicks
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
