yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
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your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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