Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Randomize
